MEN-PREMATURE EJACULATION

One way or another anxiety usually lies at the heart of a man’s problems which are of psychological origin. The anxiety is usually unconscious but either way it diminishes his pleasure and impairs his performance.

Premature ejaculation-Sex therapists argue about the definition of premature ejaculation. Some say it is present if a man comes to orgasm in less than thirty seconds and others if orgasm is reached less than two minutes after penetration. Others say five minutes and yet others assert that the problem is present if the man cannot contain himself sufficiently to enable his partner to have an orgasm on at least half of all occasions. Another definition says that it is present if orgasm occurs with ten or fewer thrusts of the penis. Most psychosexual therapists see all this as rather pointless and instead look for psychosexual evidence of a need or wish to avoid intercourse, or intercourse with one particular partner. They also take account of the woman’s orgasmic capacity before arriving at the conclusion that the man is a premature ejaculator.

As for causes, sex therapists regard hasty, early acts of intercourse — such as, for example, might occur with prostitutes or when it is feared that the girl’s parents will return home – as being important, whereas psychosexual therapists concentrate more, for example, on earlier masturbation,.

A premature ejaculation is less enjoyable an experience for the man than a ‘normal’ one. This is probably the result of the underlying anxiety and is why so many inexperienced men suffer from it. As confidence is gained it is usually overcome, especially if the woman is reassuring. A critical woman, however, can easily convert premature ejaculation into impotence simply by helping to build up a type of secondary anxiety in the man. He becomes more anxious and so performs less and less well.

A range of treatments alone or in combination can be used for men with premature ejaculation. Men whose problem stems from the unconscious notion that intercourse is an imposition on a woman (and many women for their own unconscious reasons tend to encourage this view) can be cured simply by listening to their wives giving their psychosexual histories and talking about their masturbation and fantasies. The next step is to use this information so that the woman is near orgasm before they start having intercourse. This increases the chance (especially if stimulation of her clitoris continues during intercourse) that she will have an orgasm, which in turn increases his confidence.

Fantasies about successful intercourse when the man masturbates help, as does starting to masturbate but stopping when near to orgasm, then starting again, and repeating this cycle so that he becomes able to remain sub-orgasmic for increasing periods of time. Eventually, after several weeks of practice, he will be able to control his rate of coming to orgasm during masturbation and will be able to ejaculate at will once he is sufficiently aroused. The next stage is for his partner to do the same to him, but he has to say when she is to stop for a while because he has the early feelings which tell him that if stimulation continues orgasm will be inevitable.

When the couple have worked together for ejaculatory control, the woman can cover the man’s penis with baby oil, KY jelly, or talcum powder and help him learn control with the enhanced slippery feelings these substances produce. A further refinement is for her to place her thumb on his frenum (the little vertical ridge on the underside of the tip of the penis), with her index finger on the rim of the opposite side of the penis and her middle finger just below it, and then to squeeze the penis just before orgasm is reached. This reduces the man’s erection. After a while stimulation of the penis is started again and the procedure repeated until the man can ‘last’ for as long as they both want. This training can be successful after just a few sessions in couples in whom the underyling causes of the problem have been detected and explained. During intercourse the man — instead of ignoring the early warning feelings, as premature ejaculators do — recognises them and stops moving for some moments whilst they subside.

Other techniques which some men find useful are: avoiding excessive stimulation before penetration; using a sheath; thinking about some non-sexual subject (although this is usually inadvisable); covering the penis with a mildly anaesthetic ointment or spray; tightening the anus by squeezing the internal muscles; and pushing the penis very deeply into the vagina so that the tip lies in the expanded upper portion, and then making only small movements. Other recommendations are to keep fairly high orgasm rates and to have an orgasm by masturbation before having intercourse.

However, the easiest way of all involves simply a change in attitude. This change is not usually difficult for premature ejaculators to make because it often fits in with the underlying cause of their problem. The man must think of putting his penis in the vagina as being an extension of foreplay. In this way he uses his penis instead of his hands or mouth to stimulate the woman. This gives him the impression of being in control of himself and he now finds that he can last for as long as he wants or even not ejaculate at all on any one particular occasion.

By using one or more of the many techniques suggested here, many premature ejaculators can be performing to their perfect satisfaction (and that of their partner) within weeks.

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