We asked Elizabeth, who is in her late 40s, to list her courting behaviours when she went out on a first date and after much honest consideration and embarrassment about her modus operandi, this is the list she came up with:

1. When 1 like someone, early on in the relationship 1 touch his hands, or arm or sometimes even his face easily. Being very honest with myself, it’s because 1 know that touching begins the bonding process. Being more honest, I know I need to be touched too. So touching him satisfies some of my needs.

2. I am talkative and am prepared to reveal intimate details (not sexual but personal) about my life.

3. I am good at getting a man to talk about himself. He will often say at the end of a dinner date, ‘I don’t usually talk about myself so much’.

4. I make good eye contact and smile a lot.

5. I laugh at his jokes and encourage him to tell me more. In fact, I make him the key player.

6. I allow him to open doors for me, pull out my chair and make decisions about wine.

7. I wear a subtle perfume.

8. I wear an attractive outfit that is stylish and not too sexy.

9. Unless it is a very casual date, I wear high heels.

10.1 wear sexy underwear so I feel good, although there is no way he is going to see them on the first date.

11.1 show some leg.

12. My make-up is carefully applied and my hair well groomed.

13.1 sit opposite him so his focus of attention is on me.

14. As we walk from the restaurant, if I like him, I let my arm brush his.

15. If I like him, I kiss him on the cheek as I thank him for the evening.

16. When I speak to him next on the phone I thank him once more for the pleasant time we had.

17. In person or on the phone, I always make him laugh, not uproariously, more because I say unusual things.

18.1 become very personal on the telephone. I want to break down any formality and allow us to move on with shared special times.

19. My home is always very neat and tidy with lovely flowers near the entrance.

20. My bedroom always looks good and has a sense of romance in it. This is not for him at this stage, but for me. It makes me feel romantically confident.

Elizabeth has had some very successful relationships and some not so good. She has made a conscious decision now to be less proactive and let a man do the hunting and chasing. Being more mysterious and revealing less about herself early on will be her new modus operandi. She realises she has told some new men almost everything very early in the relationship. She admits when she doesn’t hear from an interested partner, she contacts him under some small pretext. To be quite frank, she told us, she ^ made herself too available and too easy to seduce. Her new approach now, for she feels she has nothing to lose, is to slow down the courting process. Instead of phoning to speak to her new love interest she is prepared to wait for him to phone her. If he never phones, so be it.

*17\74\8*