IGNORANCE: I found a profound lack of sexual knowledge in the couples and, even worse, the possession of “mym-information” based on the first three perspectives of sexuality. Super marital sex requires first and foremost knowledge, a knowledge that integrates all four perspectives of sexuality. Knowledge is the first key to super marital sex.

FEAR: Spouses were afraid, afraid of failure, embarrassment, of not living up to their partner’s or even society’s “sexpectations.” Confidence in self and in the marriage is necessary for our natural sexual-response system to flourish. Confidence is the second key to super marital sex.

OBLIGATION: Spouses reported feelings of “ought to’s” in their sexual system that took away from the opportunity to experience what they would like to experience. Natural sexual response is blocked by conscious attempts to “do something” that “should” be done. Freedom is the third key to super marital sex.

VOYEURISM: This is a form of “group” sex in which each partner is busy watching self, other, and “us” rather than experiencing and sharing in the sexual interaction. Involvement is the fourth key to super marital sex.

WITHHOLDING: This was the “economic problem” for the couples, feeling that one or both spouses had to “earn” sexual fulfillment through sexual expertise and good timing or activities outside the sexual area traded for sexual favors. Trust that you are accepted and desired sexually for who you are and not what you have done is necessary for spontaneous sexual response. Trust is the fifth key to super marital sex.

PERFORMANCE: Masters and Johnson felt that an orientation toward performance interfered with sexual response, and my interviews verified this. Making sex an event instead of an experience can destroy any real joy in the interaction. Sharing is the sixth key to super marital sex.

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